DoNotExist: Hello. Krissy 80: geh? DoNotExist: I can ask YOU the same question, young lady. Krissy 80: yes, but would it have as much meaning? Krissy 80: would it possess the same drama? Krissy 80: would it convey the same depth? Krissy 80: would it be so dramatic? DoNotExist: ::humbled:: I guess not. Sorry. Krissy 80: you guess correctly. now you must be punished for your insolence. DoNotExist: Oooh. Will you be spanking me? Krissy 80: mmm... got a paddle? DoNotExist: Right here, ma'am. ::hands one to you:: Krissy 80: Up for a game of ping pong? DoNotExist: Sure. Krissy 80: fine.. lets go. ::heads for the ping pong table:: DoNotExist: Um... Why is there a ping pong table here? And where is here? And why are you playing ping pong with a paddle designed for, er, not ping pong? Krissy 80: Um.. we're at a resort. Why they have a ping pong table is beyond me..... ::looks at paddle:: And what do you mean, it's not designed for ping pong??? It's got a picture of Mao and everything!!!! DoNotExist: ::looks around:: Um. Are you aware that this is a nudist resort? Krissy 80: odd.. didn't notice. I thought they were koalas. DoNotExist: No wonder they were looking at me funny all this time... and I thought it was just the fact that I did nothing but play starcraft and eat for two weeks. Krissy 80: and what's wrong with that??? DoNotExist: I was wearing pants at the time. And other...stuff. Let's get out of here. All this profusion of unclad fauna is making me nervous. Krissy 80: and then some. DoNotExist: The world is just so much nicer and safer from the neck up. Krissy 80: o_0 Krissy 80: ? DoNotExist: I think your sexual idenetity's been doing things to me while I wasn't looking. I feel vaguely out of character. Krissy 80: my sexual identity? *My* sexual identity??? My.. oh wait, I forgot, I don't have one anymore since it moved to Mexico... or was it Vancouver? Carry on.... you're a perfect character. DoNotExist: Kris... something's wrong. It'l like one of those thingies in the movies where foreboding music plays, 'cept the characters can't hear it. Krissy 80: oh, the characters can hear it all right... they're just too dumb to realize what it means. They *are* college students, after all... DoNotExist: ::looks around quickly:: Um, Kris ::mouths:: We ARE college students! Krissy 80: Well, exactly. But are we having sex? DoNotExist: Not for lack of trying... Krissy 80: I refuse to paddle your ass. DoNotExist: Well, how 'bout if you just... slap it a little? Krissy 80: No!!! I refuse to. Why don't you go and find some nice girl who has a sexual identity. I have to maintain my composure. DoNotExist: Your what? Krissy 80: fine, I just don't like you. so there. DoNotExist: You know, I've always suspected- But I guess it's best that I know the truth. ::stoically:: I can handle it. Krissy 80: Hey, don't take it personally... want me to paddle your ass for old time's sake? DoNotExist: It's fine... I'll go to my rats for company. They never decline to crawl up my pants. Krissy 80: Uh.. when did you get rats? Did Rob forget to take out the garbage again? DoNotExist: SHIT! Krissy 80: um... what? and where??? DoNotExist: i hate rats DoNotExist: grrr. Krissy 80: then why do we have them in the HQ? Krissy 80: go kill them or something! DoNotExist: well, i like them sometimes... Krissy 80: well, that's very nice. wait 'til the health inspector hears about this... wait a minute, what were we talking about before? DoNotExist: You paddling my ass. Krissy 80: well, you refused that offer. DoNotExist: hmph Krissy 80: and I think the nudists would probably look at us funny. Just like the Presbyterians did. DoNotExist: Um. Krissy 80: or were they Methodists? DoNotExist: I don't know all this Christian sect stuff. Krissy 80: sect shmect. anyway, here comes a large, angry, naked, security guard to throw us out. shall we stay and fight, or run like the little chicken asses we are? DoNotExist: Well, we could strip and try to blend in with the natives. Krissy 80: not really. they have funny accents.. and you know how I am with funny accents. DoNotExist: Well, *I* have a funny accent. 'course, I have no intention of removing my clothing. That would be... improper. Let's run. Krissy 80: okay. ::runs her hairy ass out of there:: DoNotExist: ::follows Kris and the animal:: Hey, that's a great idea, we can pile our luggage on top of it. ::panting:: Krissy 80: that ain't my ass. Krissy 80: ::paddles her hiney:: this is mine. that is.. someone else's. well, I guess we can give it a good home. Krissy 80: how are we supposed to get it through customs? DoNotExist: My God! You took the wrong ass?! You know, the ten commandments are very clear on this sort of thing! Krissy 80: are they? DoNotExist: Yes Krissy 80: explain. DoNotExist: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, and ass, and all that. An angry God shall smite us! Krissy 80: Covet?!? I don't covet cruddy ol' Australian asses. ::whispers to donkey:: no offense. Krissy 80: and besides, God has better people to smite. DoNotExist: Like whom? Krissy 80: um.. like... that Serbian dude! and Rush Limbaugh! and Jerry Falwell! the Spice Girls! Teletubbies! DoNotExist: I dunno, I think we're pretty unrighteous. Anyway, what're we going to do now? We are in the middle of Australia with nothing but an ass to our names. Krissy 80: well, we were headed toward the airport before we got sidetracked by the neon sign. and the Mexican bandits. and the free tickets to that John Denver concert. and the pandas. and the shiny objects. DoNotExist: There's a John Denver concert and you didn't tell me? Krissy 80: I did tell you.. wait, maybe that was when the Mexican bandits knocked you unconscious. DoNotExist: I was unconscious? Krissy 80: good point. you'd have to be conscious first. DoNotExist: What did the Mexican bandits do to us? Or we to them? And why're there several thousand pesos in my pocket? Krissy 80: you don't want to know. you might cry. ::gets on the donkey and giddies-up:: let's ride. DoNotExist: No, no, tell me. I'm not going until you tell me. Krissy 80: ::rides off into the sunset:: ooh, how western. DoNotExist: ::runs after her:: Stop that! Stay! What happened? Krissy 80: come back Shane.... DoNotExist: Godammit! ::jumps on the ass behind her:: Krissy 80: woo hoo!