Mr. Zahn's Wild Ride

Game for August 16, 2003:

After Darn's footnote burial and Zahn's new clone eyes, it's off to argue yet another show trial, for Shino's rejected all of Navi's sensible plea bargain attempts involving indentured servitude to the Jedi. The defense team is, as ever, touchingly dedicated but cheerfully hopeless, with defense counsel Krussik turning hostile witness to his own team. Shino pitches in by telling off Jedi and losing it on the stand, a sure signal for the firing squad to load their weapons. Still, prosecutor Major Kudos earns major jeers for suggesting torture is the result of common household accidents.

The final verdict: blatantly guilty, but batshit crazy. Stripped of (fake) rank and remanded to Jedi custody for brainwashing and housecleaning.

(Oh, and did we mention that Zahn's now married? Well, Zahn's now married. To Azra Meityllan. Wackiness ensues, as we shall see.)

Accompanied by Gynda, Shino, and the rest of the party, Navi's dispatched to investigate a possible Jedi recruit--Knehan Morynu, a famous Miralukan swoop racer on Mallistare. Really famous. His picture is conveniently plastered on ads and public service messages all over town. The group goes trackside, Dral and Zahn compete to be the more preferred customer, Navi tries the good ol' "schizophrenic voice" padawan-attracting technique, Gynda gets lucky, and a mint is made off Knehan.

To free Knehan from his contract with Yik, Zahn becomes a racer, Millenia becomes a bargaining chip, and Navi and Shino become hoochies 'cause they can. Plans to Force Cheat on Zahn's behalf fall through, but he doesn't need the help anyway--he's got a cigarette lighter. So a few insanely deadly obstacles, one toxic pit, and a 1.3 km jump later, Zahn's a winner! Now, someone pry his fear-clenched hands off the handlebars and tell him there's one more race to go...

A replicant droid deflector shield is jury-rigged into Zahn's swoop. All that's left is to outrace Knehan, turbolasers, random force fields, two jumps, an acid pool, and that damn toxic pit again. He zooms around the circuit oblivious to the commotion in Yik's box as Gehenna comes to collect Dral, aka Lotar. Spore grenades are thrown like confetti; chaos ensues. Yik has a fatal case of acupuncture, Millenia is an idiot, people jump through windows, Force Points are earned, and a riot begins. EmQuai keeps a low profile throughout.

Zahn pulls the most spectacular swoop stunt ever to save Knehan's life and win the race, but nobody's watching because they're all stampeding toward the exit. Ingrates. As Navi, Krussik, and Dral perform crowd control and triage, Gehenna casually strolls away. Shino does likewise, now richer by 75K and Dral's blaster. Unwilling to stop Shino, Krussik sees her and Gehenna hook up at the spaceport and take off.

Knehan joins the group and Zahn screws with Dral's head (no thanks to Mike). The party pursues Gehenna, who looks 93% like Ms. D. Lyn, but breaks off to assist Kamino, now fallen to Daedon's forces. Not that the Meityllans had anything to do with it or that certain members of the party are complicit, ha ha... Zahn. At the refugee rendezvous, Dral screws with Zahn, everyone agrees Daedon's Force spirit is possessing the shapeshifter, and the question arises: is Shino now less guilty, more stupid, or both?

Plans are made to find Daedon's spirit anchor and Hapan HQ shifts to Naboo. Then game ends before everyone lapses into total unconsciousness.