COMICS CULTURE SHRAPNEL from CBEM 292

On the Inside Looking In

Thanksgiving week. A very short week. I had two days of school total - my only class on Wednesday was cancelled. It's just as well, I had a presentation the previous class, and am still recovering from the shock. I hate speaking in front of the class - I always feel... I don't know... inadequate.

The presentation, and the report that accompanied it, were on otaku. We were supposed to write about a subculture - I certainly couldn't write about comic fandom. I can't be objective when I've been obsessing over comics since junior high school.

With the project, I tried to be neutral, tried not to take sides. I wanted to be as cold and analytical as possible, but I always end up in the position of defense or condemnation. The latter is a bit weird - during my presentation I kept poking fun at aspects of otaku culture and then trying to scrape up something of a retraction. I even called some interests useless - then quickly amended myself by saying, "but they certainly don't think so." Since when am I an outsider who can ridicule them? It was certainly awkward.

For the past two years I've been delving into geek culture as a whole. And increasingly over the past two years, I've found I'm not crazed about anything anymore. I buy less comics, I watch less TV. I read more contemporary fiction instead of sci-fi and fantasy. My geek tendencies seem to be wearing away. Maybe I'm growing up. Or more likely, the study of geek culture might be my new obsession. But am I still a true geek?

It seems the study of something removes the meaning. It could also be true of comics... odd how I can look at a comic and analyze it according to the standards set by Understanding Comics. There is some aesthetic principles that should be followed, but how does fussing over them affect our opinion of other aspects of the comic? How does complaining about fandom change our opinion of our friends and ourselves? Does it really help to sit around and discuss what's wrong with the comics industry? What purpose does it serve to become objective, and by default, an outsider?

Pretty soon, some of these people, the ones who have learned to look beyond the surface a little too deep, these people lose touch with what made the surface and what lies below it so appealing. They forget why they're there, why liked comics or movies or whatever in the first place. That's how I've felt of recent. I wonder if I should abandon my newfound career as a geek scholar, maybe I would just be happy being a geek.

Maybe we all would be a little happier if we could just be content with being content. It sounds silly, but think... is dissection ever really good for the subject? Can something ever really fly and succeed, if it's always being weighed down by expectations and standards? When we take something apart, can we still enjoy the whole?

No wonder comics are in trouble. They're always on a table being vivisected by their core audience.