So we now present to you this senseless survey, questions by Daniel. Presnted by our special guest, the one, the only....

Masochist Rob!!! ::canned applause::

Question #1: You have one bullet (and obviously a gun). Who/what do you shoot?

GDragmire@aol.com:
Knowing my aim, probably my foot.

develin@fas.harvard.edu:
Bill Gates. Twice.

Lampbane@mindless.com:
Only ONE?!?!? what the fuck is wrong with you? only ONE????? goddammit, I'd shoot someone who had more bullets.

FeyPiper@aol.com:
My cat, because it beat me in a staring contest once.

JTMetalHed@aol.com:
You, for sending me this survey

II STaN II@aol.com:
I would shoot, hmmm...... my neighbor, he is a pain, and gay. Not anything against gays.

FearNotAZ@aol.com:
Elvis...he is alive i saw him at church, he gained a little weight, but he alive and ticking... i think it only fair to the world that he die for real...i would feel privilaged to do the honors

King Ganon@aol.com: The next Batman movie. Either way you take that, it'll be better than the last one.

Question #2: Na+H2O...give an answer (ex. You wake up alone in the world)

MeTmbg25@aol.com:
Doctors are busy

FTFOI@aol.com:
A depression so deep that not even your most beloved can relieve it.

King Ganon@aol.com:
Awww, Rob...I didn't know you cared!

FeyPiper@aol.com:
The sheep shall inherit the earth. They already own Australia and New Zealand.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
Sometimes you go away, but I'm always right here.

develin@fas.harvars.edu:
2Na+2H2O=2Na+(aq) + 2OH- (aq) + H2 (g)
Actual answer: All the crew boats at Harvard are mysteriously torched leaving no traces.

JTMetalHed@aol.com:
You turn into a terribly deformed half yuppie half mansonite and start sending people surveys

GDragmire@aol.com:
A bun in the oven.

TommyB80@aol.com:
Because I do not understand this question and I lack imagination, I will put something boring down for my answer to this. Done.

II STaN II@aol.com:
Another crappy hard-core band, or a new brand of condoms.

lampbane@mindless.com:
Um.... boom? heh. more boom?

FearNotAZ@aol.com:
isn't that what makes that God awful smell when your grandpa is in the bathroom?

Question #3: Favorite barbarian/army general ? (either, or, both?)

King Ganon@aol.com: My Tae-Kwon Do instructor, Full Moon or something like that

Lampbane@mindless.com:
General George S. Patton. The man was a complete psycho.
Who happened to receive a US government paycheck...

FearNotAZ@aol.com:
Encino man...easy...he weezes the juice

develin@fas.harvard.edu:
Myself, of course!

JTMetalHed@aol.com:
I like that guy who killed all those stupid people

Grrrl21@aol.com:
hitler

FeyPiper@aol.com:
George Patton. He was completely insane and believed he could recall past lives, but they gave him a tank army anyway. I here append a few quotes.

"If you can't think of anything else to do, throw a fit, burn a town, do something."

"Here's to [the officers'] wives. My, what pretty widows you're gonna make."

"We are going to use their guts to grease the treads of our tanks."

"We are fighting to defeat and wipe out the Nazis who started all this goddamned son-of-a-bitchery."

"We're gonna hold onto him by the nose and we're gonna kick him in the ass; we're gonna kick the hell out of him all the time and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose..."

'The afternoon of August 7th Patton passed along a road choked with dust and littered with wrecked and destroyed German vehicles and horribly blackened corpses. Fires were burning in nearby fields, which were strewn with dead, swollen farm animals. Patton's response: "Just look at that... could anything be more magnificent?"

"Compared to war, all other forms of human endeavour shrink to insignificance. God, how I love it."

"This is General Patton. Do you have a good prayer for weather?...We must ask God to stop these rains." He later wrote a prayer as follows:
Sir, this is Patton talking. The past fourteen days have been straight hell. Rain, snow, more rain, more snow... what's going on in Your headquarters? Without Your cooperation from a weather standpoint... how in Hell can I be intelligent in my attack? ... Sir, I have never been an unreasonable man. All I request is four days of clear weather... I need these four days to send von Runstedt and his godless army to Valhalla... in exchange for four days of fighting weather, I will send You enough Krauts to keep Your bookkeepers months behind in their work. Amen.

"Dear Supreme Headquarters Allied Expeditionary Force: I have just pissed in the Rhine. For God's sake send more gasoline."

The man was, however, the greatest commander of armored cavalry the world has ever known. In four years his armies moved further, faster, and killed more people than any other armies in the history of warfare. Yeeha.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
Bill Gates

TommyB80@aol.com:
Attila the Hun... his name sounds cool. :P

MeTmbg25@aol.com:
Custard, he died...ha ha.idiot

FTFOI@aol.com:
George Washington. Any man who would attack hung-over enemy troops the morning after Christmas deserves props.

Question #4: Space/time warping two parter:
a. If you could become someone/something (your brain, but learn all his/hers/its secrets and take its form/their body)...what do you become? why?

b. If you could trade places with anyone/anything, instantaneously (not bodies, just location), with what/who do you trade? why?

King Ganon@aol.com:
a. Anyone else. I want to know what it's like to be inferior.

FTFOI@aol.com:
a. I'd become a huge rock, just because I love rocks, and I would love
to learn their deepest secrets...
b. Trade places, no hitch? Simple choice. I'd switch places with that Snoopy pillow in my girlfriend's bed, and I'd switch RIGHT NOW.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
a. Renie, because then I could look reptilian early in the morning, too!
b. My cousin Miri in Netanya, Israel. I don't wanna be here anymore, and I'm in love with that country.

JTMetalHed@aol.com:
a)Pamela Anderson. Must I really say why?
b)Any dead person. Must I really say why?

GDragmire@aol.com:
a. Anyone who owns an arsenal of firearms.
b. Elvis. I need more sleep.

FearNotAZ@aol.com:
a.Noah...then i can take over his plans for world domination, and make certain states entertwine...
b.some really cool quilts i have heard a lot about in NY

Question #5: The world is about to be nuked by hostile aliens. You happen to have 3 million dollars. What do you spend it on?

King Ganon@aol.com:
Happiness. Just have to know where the store is.

MeTmbg25@aol.com:
Prostitutes

FTFOI@aol.com:
I spend a bit on a blitz of all existing media, alerting the world to the imminent disaster, and then make all the nuclear-capable nations of the world waste all their warheads on destroying the invading ships while they are still far enough away, then go on a BIG shopping spree, since I probably have a few million dollars left.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
Hmm.. buy a really good last meal for all the starving children in the world.

GDragmire@aol.com:
I've just got two questions...how soon and how hostile?

Grrrl21@aol.com:
ork im gonna fry in a secod i woodnt have time to spend it

Lampbane@mindless.com:
I'm going to Disneyworld!!!!! (I'll leave the saving the world to the people who it belongs to, specifically Microsoft and Disney. Maybe I'll get to watch.)

FearNotAZ@aol.com:
one of them new compact space ships that Ford is making now a days...figure i should visit a black hole before i die

Question #6: You forgot to do a project that counts for half of your overall average......what is the best excuse you can think of for not doing it?...worst excuse?

develin@fas.harvard.edu:
(Note: I actually did this once.)
Best excuse: I didn't have the money.
Worst excuse: I was hassled by the man.

Lampbane@mindless.com:
best excuse? worst excuse? I think I'd just go into an eplileptic seizure when the teacher asked me to explain myself. damn health problems.....

GDragmire@aol.com:
Best excuse--"Why the hell don't you ever assign these things when it's convenient for me?"
Worst excuse-- "There was a train delay"

Grrrl21@aol.com:
best excuse ... my dad downloaded a virus that ate my harddive..
werst : my printer ran out of ink

II STaN II@aol.com:
best: family death, worst: having sex with his wife, (his, teacher)

MeTmbg25@aol.com:
best: my dog ate it worst: i forgot

FTFOI@aol.com:
"That project? Oh, I thought it was due tomorrow! I'll bring it in, okay?" (then proceed to do the entire project that night)
"I was so busy with my job that I never got it finished..."

King Ganon@aol.com:
Best excuse- just say "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get women", hope that the teacher thinks you're insane and sends you to the school nurse. You're excused from the project AND you miss class.
Worst excuse- just say "It's right here! Can't you see it?", hope that the teacher thinks you're insane and sends you to the school nurse. You're excused from the project AND you miss class.

JTMeatlHed@aol.com:
I don't bother going back to that class stupid ass

FearNotAZ@aol.com:
uh...best...i wrote it in one of them new scratch and sniff markers, my brther got a hold of it, and ate it for breakfast...

uh...worst...i DID do it...i wrote in invisable ink

FeyPiper@aol.com:
The worst excuse: I couldn't do it because I was too busy with oral sex.
The best excuse: Same thing.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
The best excuse: My mom and dad were killed and I had to organize the funeral. The worst excuse: Well, you see, it all started like this... there were these aliens, and they took my dog, and we were stuck on their ship for weeks and I had nothing else to feed him and well I couldn't let my dog die of starvation so I had to give him this project for survival... Wanna see a picture?

Question #7: If you could read someone's mind for one day without them knowing it, whose mind would you read, and why?

King Ganon@aol.com:
Mine. I'd love to know what the hell I'm thinking.

GDragmire@aol.com:
O.J. Simpson. I wonder how many times the phrase "Get away with murder" runs through his mind daily.

MeTmbg25@aol.com:
Zi, my friend, he is a very interesting and strange person

FTFOI@aol.com:
Bill Gates. I bet the rest of us would love to know what the hell he DOES with all that money and fame!

FeyPiper@aol.ocm:
Gary Kasparov, so I could kick his ass at chess and laugh at him.
Second, the President of the United States, just for the nuclear launch codes and how good Hillary is in bed.

TommyB80@aol.com:
A certain girl in Barto, PA.

Grrrl21@aol.com:
my moms to reely see y she doesnt let me do anything

Lampbane@mindless.com:
one day? only one day?!?!?!? how about Hilary Clinton during the Whitewater hearings?

Question#8: Favorite key on the keyboard? Least favorite? Why?

MeTmbg25@aol.com:
NUMBER LOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you can press it without doing anything to the computer!!! worst: F10-- i don't think it ever does anything

King Ganon@aol.com:
Favorite key: `/~ It's pointless because even if you're typing in Spanish you can't get it over the letter
Least favorite key: spacebar It's not a bar and it's not in space. What the hell?

GDragmire@aol.com:
Favorite key-- Alt--Why not?
Least Favorite key-- Ctrl--Just trying to horn in on Alt's action

develin@fas.harvard.edu:
Favorite key: PrintScrn/SysRq.
Least favorite: the stupid Windows start key.
Both for obvious reasons.

Lampbane@mindless.com:
any key I can pull off. wait, that's only on the school computers.........

the tilde. because it's ethnic.

FTFOI@aol.com:
TAB...it's insideously convenient. MOVE BETWEEN ACTIVE FIELDS!!!!
Z...I can never find it...

FearNotAZ@aol.com:
fav-the $$$$$$$ key...DUH!!! cuz i need some...
least fav-the friggin windows key...there are 2 of em, and i have yet to figure out what the heck they do...

FeyPiper@aol.com:
I love Delete because I can eliminate any other letter that displeases me, on the slightest whim. A Delete button for life would be much better than an escape key. I could delete buildings, small rodents, trees, the college board... ahhh.
I hate F7 because it serves no useful purpose, sticks when I press it, and beeps at me. I wish I could delete F7.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
Favorite - Q. I think this is rather self-explanatory.
Least Favorite - P. I just never really likes it. It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

TommyB80@aol.com:
I like the "o" key because I have an orgasm every time I touch it.
hate the "F11" key. It's always calling me names.

Grrrl21@aol.com:
fave kee : > leest fave alt

JTMetalHed@aol.com:
G string, cause like, it's a G string. G string cause like, it's the only key I know.

Question #9: Answer this question. Go ahead! I DARE you...

FTFOI@aol.com:
please, sir, don't hit me!

King Ganon@aol.com:
People are laughing at the dancing midgets on Family Matters.
Why I'm watching that show, I don't know...

Grrrl21@aol.com:
FINE I WILL MOFO!!!!!

develin@fas.harvard.edu:
I refuse to answer this question on religious grounds.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
Maybe.

FeyPiper@aol.com:
42.

FearNotAZ@aol.com:
the answer is quite simple really ...37!!!!!

Lampbane@mindless.com:
Pork Chops and Applesauce.

TommyB80@aol.com:
:P

GDragmire@aol.com:
My shoes are too tight.

JTMetalHed@aol.com:
Give me oral sex.

MeTmbg24@aol.com:
but I'm too scared.....

Question#10: Barney and Friends, or Lamb Chop's Play Along? Why?

MeTmbg25@aol.com:
lamb chop, at least he tells gay riddles and teaches you neat little tricks that you can do on 4 year olds

FTFOI@aol.com:
Lamb Chop all the way: The Song That Never Ends!!!!!

FeyPiper@aol.com:
Lamb Chop's Play along, because a lamb with a strange woman's hand up her ass is infinitely more funny than a dinosaur with a hormone deficiency.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
Lamb Chop's Play Along. More characters to shoot. I think.
Anyway, Jordan doesn't like it as much.

develin@fas.harvard.edu:
Both; they're so goddamned tasty!

GDragmire@aol.com:
Lamb Chop. Never have I seen a talking entree that was so entertaining. Plus, she's got friends that are horses, dogs, and a red-head who's just a little too buddy-buddy, if ya knows what I mean.

TommyB80@aol.com:
I hope a kid never has to watch either of those, but Lamb Chop is definately the lesser of the two evils.

Grrrl21@aol.com:
Barney and Friends, or Lamb Chop's Play Along? Why? lamb chop .. i like people who r good with their hands

Lampbane@mindless.com:
Ya know, that Sheri Lewis chick could probably be easily provoked to violence...

FearNotAZ@aol.com:
DUH!!!!easy one!!!! Barney....shit!!! have you seen him??? he is a stud!!!!! and he can sing!!! I love him...he loves me...'nuf said...

JTMetalHed@aol.com:
Where's that gun and one bullet you promised me at the beginning of this stupid thing?