Hello, and welcome again to another barrage of useless and inane questions. How exciting! Well, actually, I couldn't get a connection on my modem, I don't have to leave for work for a half-hour, so I needed something to do. This seemed like a good way to kill time. Bring on the carnage! Bring on the stupidity! Who's more stupid? Stupid people or the stupid world they live in? Natural selection shall decide.

Here it comes... put on your seatbelts and crash helmets, and maybe we'll survive this. What we have here is a clear case of people sharing the same brain... is there a shortage I don't know about? I mean, I heard of a penny shortage, but of ideas? We're too similar for our own good and health. Time to decontaminate... ah, maybe later.


1) What foreign language would you most like to see The Simpsons dubbed over in?
Rob:
French

Spin0za1:
Yiddish

Connor MacLeod:
yiddish

Zack Taylor:
Farsi. (they speak it in iraq)

Bart Barenbrug:
Wookiee

SengirVamp:
ebonics

Tom Castelli:
Hindi or Urdu.

TwstedHero:
Japanese

Omar Jenkins:
Japanese (Especially the Mr. Sparkle episode)

Lauren M. Conoscenti:
Chinese or Japanese. Because there are just so many things that would get lost in the translation....

Nick:
japanese. except the episode where they go to japan. that would be dubbed (badly) in english.

Amanda Senft:
Dutch

Malcolm Sprye:
Dutch. 'Cause the Dutch kick ass.(I speak for the past and present) They're highly underrated, and Now is the time for all good Dutchmen... Oops

Justy Ueki Tylor:
It's been done in so many languages.... Japanese, Russian, Chinese, Spanish... how about... you know you saw this coming... Esperanto. (unless we can get ancient Egyptian to be captioned...)

Spike:
Esperanto.

Andrew Lozupone:
Esperanto. There is *no* other language.

Christopher Kalos:
Does Klingon count? I mean, it *has* been properly documented. If not, then Basque. I won't understand it, but it'll be cool.

Matthew Nisinson:
Klingon, picture it, the trekky audience would tripple.

Regyt:
Klingon. With a small circle in the lower left hand corner of the screen that has one of those sisters translating it into Klingon sign language (there has to be a Klingon sign language. It probably involves knives.).

Jesse Shaver:
Hmm.. I've gotta say German. The whole idea of Bart yelling such charming phrases as "Essen Sie meine Kurzschlüsse, Mann." leaves me in tears.

Mikhail Koulikov:
Mongolian...largely because I *LOVE* the concept of anything dubbed over in mongolian and because they have 90-letter words which are perfectly pronounceable by the average Mongolian...

Morgan Kinfae:
I think Welsh. Just because by nature it's this incredibly beautiful, slow language, and i would like to see how they carry it over to the wonderful, beautiful voices of oh, say, Homer.

David Gold:
Welsh. I've been reading this book with Welsh phrases, and when pronounced correctly, they can be best described as gargling wood chips with a British accent. Choice #2 is French, because just the idea of Homer's lines delivered in perfect French makes me giggle.

Josh Loh:
Swedish. You think the Swedish chef's a damn slander, but he isn't-- they really do talk that way. I was listening to a clip from Swedish television during the Lillehammer olympics: "Durg Jurnsen Hoogen Froogen! Hurdjhi-Hurdjhi Hjamli-Hjalmi Voorten Boorten Woorten!" Swedish is the most damn funny language on the face of the earth. Alternatively, Arabic, if they changed the content to make every other line an appeal to Allah to remove them from the curse of the decadent Western lifestyle.


2) Fill in the Blank: "Chicken Soup for the _______'s Soul"

Tom Castelli: Chicken Soup for the Chicken's Soul. It would be the only one of those damn books not to make the bestseller list.

Jesse Shaver: Chicken

Rob: Cow

Bart Barenbrug: daredevil

Lauren M. Conoscenti: Spawn of Satan

Spike: System Adminstrator.

Connor MacLeod: "Chicken Soup for the _Hobo's_ Soul"

Zack Taylor: werewolf's

Malcolm Sprye: "Chicken Soup for the Hobbit's Soul"

Matthew Nisinson: executive (why because they don't have souls)

Spin0za1: bitter angsty goth

Mikhail Koulikov: Goth (...why do I suddenly have visions of Tomagothi?...)

DIR: Scalerian love queen (from TOS)

Regyt: Masochist. They need lots of chicken soup, you'd think.

Omar Jenkins: "Chicken Soup for the _Christian_'s Soul"

Amanda Senft: Drosophila Geneticists

Andrew Lozupone: Chicken Soup for the Drunken Fist Boxing Armadillo's Soul.

Chris Kalos: The Jazz Musician! Who else would have more soul? (Well, besides James Brown.)

TwstedHero: Vegetarian

Morgan Kinfae: Sappy Christian's Disemboweler's It could have all of these inspirational stories, like the time a famous disemboweler used the power of his nausea to convince a sappy christian to disembowel himself. And it could have practical how-to stories, and stories about "The first incision I ever made" "The sound of Christian screaming" and lots of other fun, happy, heartwarming stuff.

David Gold: Nihilist! Isn't it obvious? Who else needs it the most but would like it the least?

Nick: pedophile. i'm a sick fucking bastard, and that just makes me laugh.

Josh Loh: Flasher's. They must be very lonely people. Also cold, and hence in need of the warmth provided by spiritual hot soup. I wonder if you can spill spiritual hot soup on one's-- actually, never mind.


3) If you possessed a giant laser capable of scrawling a legible message on the moon's surface for all here on earth to see, what would you write?

Chris Kalos: Duh, this one's easy. "CHA"

Spin0za1: CHA

Rob: Must...resist...urge...to...answer..."CHA"....

Matthew Nisinson: This is too easy. SPOON!

Amanda Senft: I'd draw a big smiley face

Lauren M. Conoscenti: "None of you will ever know my intentions." Either that, or "Keeee-yaaahh!!!!"

Jesse Shaver: The phone number of someone I wasn't very fond of, and the words "for a good time".

DIR: The Earth is doomed, everyone: move to the Moon!

Omar Jenkins: "Kilroy was here"

Connor McLeod: "Say No to Graffiti"

Spike: Something completely random, followed by "decipher this".

David Gold: I bet DON'T PANIC has already been suggested, so how about GET OVER IT.

Tom Castelli: Hey! Quit yer staring!

Nick: "FUCK YOU. signed, God"

Zack Taylor: "YES WE ARE." (i'll explain it if you'd like)

Bart Barenbrug: just draw a smiley (text messages are no good since they'd always be in a language that many wouldn't understand)

Regyt: If I could get it to fit, and only cause I just saw Renie yesterday, "Fuckalicious"

Mikhail Koulikov: Needst thou ask?
OTAKING!!!

Malcolm Sprye: Why fuck up the moon? Anyway, given the apparent size of the moon. (What It looks like from earth) You couldn't write more than a word and have it legible. So why bother.

Um. Since when did being realistic figure into this?

Morgan Kinfae: Hmm. well, i think i would have to either try to mess with their minds, and write something in Egyptian hieroglyphics, some kind of odd prophecy culminating in the destruction of the universe the year after i put it there. Something saying "Kill youself before then, soyou may go to heaven." Hopefully, i could knock off a bunch of stupid people that way. Either that or something that foretells someone looking exactly like me, living in roughly my corner of the world, being the next messiah-like being, so all the stupid peopl eof the world could just worship me and send me money and such. Make my world conquest so much easier. Although, in the end, putting aside such selfish things, I suppose I would have to go with "give me dorothy".

Andrew Lozupone: "Hello, and welcome to the first message legibly written on the moon. If you're really bored enough to read this, go right ahead. First off, I'd like to tell all of you people that do not like penguins that you can all bugger off and shall be damned to spend eternity listening to juiggelypuff (that fuckin' bastard will die) and that everybody that likes penguins will all be well off and away from this horrible singing creation. Also, go and drink some almond drink, it's yummy. And to all you odd people that believe everything is a sign that aliens have arrived, you're right! I'm really an alien and not some guy that has his brain producing acid. I'd tell you more, but I think i'm running out of surface area right now, so bye!"

Justy Ueki Tylor: Eat me, I'm cheese?
"In a daring global domination move by Edmund P. Chang, he shall become supreme ruler of earth, for in his possession, the most powerful laser cannon in existence. Capable of obliterating cities, controlling tides, smashing down satellites, and writing graffiti on celestial bodies"

TwstedHero: "See this? I have a laser so freakin' powerful I can write on the moon. Don't f*ck with me."

Josh Loh: The Preacher's five-mile tall FUCK YOU is appealing, but I believe I'm going to have to go with a five-mile-tall:

MIS COJONES ESTAN ENCENDIDOS.


4) Exempting all human body parts, what is the oddest thing you've ever had in your mouth? (stop giggling! I already said no human body parts!)

Andrew Lozupone: I haven't really ever had odd things in my mouth.... the best I can think of is a tea bag soaking in a bowl of ramen.

Omar Jenkins: A cup full of apple vinegar

Connor MacLeod: ??-yesterdays lunch

Amanda Senft: My mother's cooking

SengirVamp: some bootleg chicken crap my mom made for diner once

Chris Kalos: I'll be labeled as a freak by the people that *I* know at any rate, but I say salmon roe. The weirdest tasting raw fishy matter I've ever tasted.

Justy Ueki Tylor: Hot dogs? Bratwurst? Sachels of soy bean? Various Animal body parts? Synthetic concentrated Chicken. It's just like chicken, because it's not. (yes, this is actually available. Asian product. Go figure.)

Rob: ::thinks carefully:: A hammer. At least, I *hope* that's it. I sleep like a rock.

Mikhail Koulikov: nothing *too* odd...coins,...well, once, a toothpick that broke off and wedged itself between my teeth; I was highly amused at the fact that I could now spit blood...

Jesse Shaver: A live bee.

Spin0za1: ummm... Scott, (an RA from CTY)'s finger... I think... wait, that's a body part. Oh jeez... I think they're all body parts. unless... well, Justin's leather jacket many a time...

Regyt: Hmm. Batteries aren't wierd. Plucking unidentified flowers off of trees and eating them isn't very wierd, either. No body parts.... those lollipops with bugs in. A few too many cat hairs for my tastes. Fruit.

I'm sorry, I have a rather pure and unsullied mouth.

DIR: That would have to be a modem. When Quasimodo (my K6-2 computer) first came it had lots of problems. I found myself trying to do a lot of things inside at once. I found myself with a modem in one hand, a CD drive in the other, I wanted to pick up my hard drive. My desk was covered, and I could not put the modem down. For some reason I put the modem in my mouth, until, of course, I realized what I was doing, and put it down, but that would be the strangest thing I've had in my mouth.

Spike: AHA-1542B SCSI Host Bus Adapter.

Tom Castelli: A PCMCIA Token-Ring Ethernet card. (because I didn't have enough hands to carry all my tools, my support requests, a laptop, and a video card in addition. My job makes me carry many things :)

Zack Taylor: excluding various drug paraphernalia? (j/k) uh.....i guess a 9/volt battery :) again, dont ask. :)

Matthew Nisinson: That would probbably be a small rock shaped exactly like Nixon's head, or maybe Nixon's head was shaped exactly like the rock, either way.

David Gold: No body parts? So my own toenails don't count? Shucks... I've eaten quite a few sheets of paper in my life, but the oddest would have to be the exposed terminals of an active power cord. One !zap! and my tongue was numb for hours.

Nick: silly putty. i can fit 4 to 5 pounds in my mouth and close it.

Josh Loh: A live goldfish. I was six and it was the only way I could figure to keep it in water between tanks.

Lauren M. Conoscenti: Let's see...
--alligator mcnuggets
--duct-tape
--a combination of Southern Comfort, corn syrup, sprite, and maple syrup (a drink affectionately called "Aunt Jemima's SoCo Surprise")
--a small stuffed animal

You pick which one is "oddest"

Morgan Kinfae: *cough* *cough* damn, why did you have to exempt body parts.. I suppose a plastic cherry. I was *Really* hungry one time and didn't have my glasses on, cause i was really vain, (heh. still am. how many of you even knew I *had* glasses!) and grabbed a plastic cherry from a fruit display that looked pretty real to me and tried to bite down. Amazingly enough, nothing happened to my teeth or anything, but when a year later, i bite into a pretzel from the vendor in front of the Museum of Natural History, i break off half of my tooth. Go figure.

TwstedHero: The soul of a man I'd just slain with my bare hands, right before I devoured it! Mwahah- *Cough*