Well, it's the season of giving... and since you gave me such prompt answers... I now post them in appreciation and with much amusement. And yeah, I really didn't have anything else to do. We have a lot of ground to cover, so let's move on...

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Q: You are celebrating the winter holiday of your choice, and are handed three wrapped presents. You can open one. They have the following characteristics:

one is vibrating
one is oozing strange green liquid
one is jerking violently and emitting growling and clawing noises

What do you think is in each package, and which do you choose?

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Amos Feldman:
First wrapped present: A PuruPuru pack for my Dreamcast or a Rumble pack for my Nintendo 64!

Second wrapped present: A spoiled fruit of your choice (e.g. A three month old orange)
-or-

A broken bottle of In-T-Mate, the (green) lubricant of choice for young lovers everywhere.

Third wrapped present: This is what happens if you feed a Pokemon (Pocket Monster) after midnight, or even worse, make it wet! Now you've got a (wrapped for the holidays) Evil Pocket Monster from Hell: Puke-n'-Chew!

I personally choose Present 2 -- second option, because you can never have enough of that lube !!!

Chris Lancaster:
- the vibrating one is a piece of very over ripe fruitcake
- the oozing one is a fermented traingle
- the growling one is a pair of Jeoffs underwear

Josh:
The vibrating box has Medachlorians, because they have a cool name.
The green oozy box has the green slime from You Can't Do That on Television (a show that was on Nickelodeon in the 80s, if you're a young'un or an old person).
The jerky noisy box has a rabid Furby.

I'd open the green slime one, because Furbys are evil even when they're not rabid, Medachlorians ruined Star Wars and are therefore evil, but You Can't Do That on TV was cool, and had Alanis Morrisette too.

Tundra the Arctic Wolf:
1. A back massager

2. One of those slimy bug-maker/squisher toys

3. a kitten

I'd open the third one, even though I'm allergic to cats and my cat & dog don't need another companion.

Bart Barenbrug:
> one is vibrating

A kangaroo who is shivering because it's waaay to cold this far north.

> one is oozing strange green liquid

I don't even wanna know!?!

> one is jerking violently and emitting growling and clawing noises

Krissy, you in there?

Based on those guesses, I'd choose #3 of course... B)

Timm-Oliver Stooß:
All these are gremlins in different stages of mutation ... I will just take the first one, cause its Gizmo and he can mutate in any of the later two ... :)

DIR:
The vibrating one is a bomb sent by the Eric Conspiracy to kill me.
The oozing one is my brand new Slimer doll from Ghostbusters.
The jerking one is the tribble I ordered, it knows I'm really a Klingon and hates me because of it.

I open the tribble, because who can resist I good game of tribble hackeysack.

Ian Greenspan:
First is most likely the brand new Atomic powered Sodomizer 9 Billion. That, or my cat while in a purring fit.
Second is one of any of the kinds of toxic waste they served for lunch at my old school, obviously some kind of sick and deranged gag gift.
Third could also be one of the above mentioned lunches, but, going the optimistic route, is prolly the armadillo I've been anting for some time. I'll take #3, name him Eisenhower, and live happily ever after.

koulikom:
>one is vibrating
I just watched the Matrix, so I'm going to have to say a beeper (no-one I know would actually give me a cell-phone for a winter holiday of my choice), with a number that I am supposed to call that will change my life forever or at least give me access to lots of heavy firepower ^.^

>one is oozing strange green liquid
DIR! A 2-year-old bottle of Wild Cherry Pepsi, somewhy punctured...

>one is jerking violently and emitting growling and clawing noises Oh, oh, my very own 10-y.o. Backstreet Boys fan from South Bumblefuck, OK, to love and care for and turn into an otaku by a proper application of cattle-prod and repeated showings of the entire Eva series in one sitting. Unlikely, but hell, neither were a lot of other things in my life.

I choose...[drumroll] the vibrating package. If it *is* the beeper, then I can return it, get money, and buy useful stuff. If it isn't, and is a vibrator, I can return it, get money, and buy useful stuff.

Matthew Nisinson:
Okay, considering the choices in front of me, and knowing that

A) the present which is jerking violently while emmitting growling and clawing noises is probably just my brother covered in wrapping paper. and
B) the one oozing a strange green liquid is probably an attempt at cooking by my grandmother.

whereas the vibrating package has only a slight chance of turning out to be a bomb and killing me and even if it is a bomb I might survive the explosion whereas my grandmothers cooking will definitely kill me and my brother will probably mannage to escape on his own I would have to open the Vibrating package, who knows it might even be something more useful than the talking watch I got last year. ("the time is 2:50 pm... the time is 2:51pm... >CRUNCH<) even though in "the end" it was a rather satisfying gift.

Justy Ueki Tylor:
>one is vibrating
Must be that vibrating Pikachu Andrew wanted...
My new Coniunal Motion Chicken?
The Colonel's newest creation, Half-Life Poultry Value Meal?
Desty Nova's compact Oroborous Program?
KAOS Nova's Psychoactveness?
Mr. Chibi Martian King?
("I spit upon this frail crazed world! I spit upon the 2nd Law of Themodynamics!")
Den's portable Heng?
Does it say "From Bart Allen?"
It's the lost Power Ring!

>one is oozing strange green liquid
Must be those TCL ooze guys again.
THS must be the Colonel's Half-Life Poultry Value Meal.
Mmm. Time worn fruit cake good.
Aah! No! Glowing tattoed ham bad!
It's >gasp< OTTERCREEKITE!
Is it from Qinghai province, China?
Bah, you don't need that. Giant Robo is Nuclear Powered!
Damn faulty Mako generators..
It's Craydl!

>one is jerking violently and emitting growling and clawing noises
I choose you Bulbasaur!
Hm. Furby Mk.II
This must be one of those 6 legged Rabbit Yggdrasil Virii
Armando Armadillo?
Puppy! Kaleel love you too Puppy!
Loiz funny head trick. Haha ha.
This must be that special Jigglypuff I sent to Andrew.
Erm... Happy Holidays Krissy!

>What do you think is in each package, and which do you choose?

I'll take the first one. Erm. Prolly a gift from Cryburn and the Marines (#1 - vibrating), Baby Adam (#2 - oozing), and Carrot Glaces(#3 - claws).

Danielle:
Vibrating Gift - Well, it's obviously a sex toy of some undefined sort, that has accidentally been turned on while I shook the package around. Exactly which sort of vibrating toy, though, I cannot yet be sure.

Oozing Gift - A cryogenic chamber out of some bad scifi flick, which contains embryonic arrogant geeks, to be matured and sold or toyed with at my leisure.

Jerking/Growling/Clawing Gift - Tiger cub. Stolen from his native home by dedicated poachers and put up for sale on the black market, intended to be used piecemeal for obscure cures, aphrodisiacs, foods, and other such stuff. But some beloved friend or family member rescued it from that unkind fate and brought it to me. It'll probably kill me if I open up the box.

While the oozing gift certainly has a great deal of appeal, I already have some arrogant geeks in my life, and a pet tiger is a personal dream of mine. Shotgun loaded with sedative filled darts in hand, I choose the last gift offered, and set out to begin an intensive tiger kitten training routine.

Andrew Lozupone:
Oh, this is easy. The vibrating one is a giant sized vibrating penguin. The one oozing strange green liquid is David Bowie. And the last is a strange animal that's a cross between a penguin and a jaguar. His name is Bob. Hmm... which one do I pick.... I suppose I'll pick the penguin-jaguar. I've always wanted one of those.

TheDarkGodPookie:
Vibrating present - A perpetual motion machine built around the escalating centrifugal force of a positive feedback system. Attempting to hold it would result in both of your arms being ripped violently from their sockets as the power curve intensified and it shot through the wall, dragging your arms behind it.
Oozing present - A blackened still-beating heart of indeterminate origin. It has the correct proportions and veins/arteries of a human heart, but the tissue is nearly midnight black. The liquid being pumped from it (God only knows where it comes from) is a viscous bioluminescent green sludge with the physical properties of corn syrup, in addition to being warm to the touch and highly corrosive. It has already eaten through the package in places, thus the leakage.
Growling present - A bumble ball (Remember those?) with a long-life lithium ion battery and tape player on loop (Continually playing back a double sided tape full of scratching/growling noises), and the remains of some small animal smashed beyond recognition by the knobbly ball. Don't worry, it died of asphyxiation, not pulverization. Y'see, someone forgot to punch holes in the box (Shame on you, Kris.)
Decision:
I choose the blackened heart of indeterminate origin. It'd make one hell of a conversation piece.

FeyPiper:
The vibrating package is obviously a hamster slowly suffocating inside the tupperware box my grandmother packs it in before trying to give the little bugger away every christmas.

The oozing one is from my friends, who have gotten drunk the night before and, in their drunken stupor, decided it would be a fun idea to puke into a box and FedEx it to me,

The growling and clawing noises are emitted by my evil twin, who has gone insane from being kept in a lightless cell on bread and water, and has attempted to escape in the form of a holiday present eight times now. Due to short-term memory loss from the sedatives, he never remembers he's failed the last time, and we like to keep it that way.

I choose the hamster, as it's always fun to watch it gradually lose hope and return to the center of the sterile plastic deathtrap to die, and there's always time to freeze the puke and return my brother to the snakepit. Yeah, that's what I'd do.

Rob:
The vibrating package is probably one of those satan-spawned micro-furbys or whatever the fuck they're called. Not opening that one.

The one oozing green liquid (pardon me, "a strange green liquid") is almost certainly a busted container of Mutagen that lost its way from the set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. Having no desire to meld with the next animal I come across, that one gets handled by a HazMat team.

The one jerking violently and emitting growling and clawing noises could only be...TAZ! Now, who WOULDN'T open the one with Taz in it? C'mon people!

David Gold:
Ooh, boy! A teensy thrash-metal band of my very own! I'm going to call it Pookie and buy pretty collars with bells for it and walk it and feed it! I can put it my pocket and show all my headbanger friends my cutesy-little Satan worshipping goth band! Can I keep it, can I Mom, please please?

>one is oozing strange green liquid
At last! I got that create-your-own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles kit I read about in the catalog! Only I'll name my Turtles after my favorite classical composers:
1)Berlioz, the wise cracking turtle
2)Debussy, the one who installs pirate cable TV
3)Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfernschpledenschlittscrascrenbonfriediggerdingledangledong LeBursteinvonknackerthrasherapplebangerhorowitzgrandlickgrumbelmeyerspelleri actuallycutabitoutdankerkalbsfleischmittleraucher Von Hauptkopt of Ulm... the flagrant homosexual, and
4)Frank Zappa.

>one is jerking violently and emitting growling and clawing noises
Wow! A Pokemon of my very own! Bunghole has evolved into Fartatchu! His attacks include Brown Wind, Sleepy-Mist, and the super-effective Thunder Cloud! Now that I have Fartatchu, I can go to the tournament in Lame-o City and defeat Dieter, the German disco Pokemon, and HumbertHumbert, the Pokemon who seduces children! Forget about the Turtles and the tiny metal band, Fartatchu, I choose you!