Q: a) Favorite/Preferred alcoholic beverage

P. Ross Tea-toot (real name and address withheld):
I know everyone else is gonna jump on this, but I'm gonna try to be first:
the first thing that comes to mind is that eppisode of Beavis and Butthead where they buy a six-pack of non-alcoholic coolers and sit on the curb drinking them down as fast as they can, and a cop comes by, looks at the cans and says "You boys aren't drunk..you're just stupid!" As for the actual question? I don't drink. All you people who make a regular habit of losing your senses to alcohol or any other drug, you are beneath me. BOW THE FUCK DOWN NOW OR FACE MY APATHETIC WRATH!!!! (that is, if I feel like being wrathful)

Vibe526@aol.com:
Can't really say. I don't drink (Damn laws, and I wont be 21 till May)
But if I did, I'd have this drink I took a few swigs of at a club. my then 22 sister gave me some and it tasted damn good. Pretty sweet with a tang of fruitiness. Wish I remember what it was called.

HAL9344811@aol.com:
Without a doubt I'd have to say a mudslide, they're the greatest.

II STaN II@aol.com:
i would have no opinion cause i have never drank.. but all of the hype from colt 45's, seem really cool, snoop drinks it, and so do other homies.

Matt Man65@aol.com:
Smirnoff Vodka with some herring. Of course.. the herring comes after the vodka not in it.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
In all honesty, I do not have a favorite alcoholic beverage. I don't actually like any alcoholic beverages at all, and have never even been drunk. I don't have any real moral objection to doing so, I merely do not like the taste of alcohol. Each year at Pesach my parents buy new varieties of wine, trying to find something I like. It just makes me wonder - why do my parents want to get me drunk so badly?

FeyPiper@aol.com:
On normal days when I can get it, Guinness. Once I had this really cool stuff that someone told me was the result of him keeping potato skins in cider in the refrigerator for a year or two, but I really hope he was lying. It tasted good, though. I think.

MeTmbg25@aol.com:
um....Duff?

I love Simpsons references. Now if only someone would mention Fudd....

dhg5@cornell.edu:
When I was visiting Washington University in Saint Louis, there was this restaurant called Blueberry Hill. In the back of the place was a bar that served 26 different bottled beer and had 17 more on tap. the best beer i ever tasted there was something called oatmeal stout. it's brewed the same where regular beer is, only using oats instead of hops or barley. and the best part is that you can flavor it with anything, just like you would put cinnamon or honey on your breakfast oatmeal. Honey and cinnamon beer....
MMM....

The Epochs@aol.com:
By far, NyQuil. The ultimate dizzyer. It's legal, it's cheap, but best of all is the aesthetics: just look at the name itself-capital N small y BIG FUCKIN' Q! You can get high and converse with that Q. It's the most tripped out letter of the alphabet. It was so wierd that cursive made it into a "2" to try and harness the perversion. Secondly, Some cough medicines are coming out with blue and purple for the little chi-Not NyQuil! They still stay with the same death green. The bottle is shaped like a broad shouldered mercenary. NyQuil-The alchohol from hell.*

(*a portion of the copyright to comedian Denis Leary)

b) Best way to get arrested while drunk

Vibe526@aol.com:
Either go buck-naked or sing Hanson.

NikkiTyr@aol.com:
Well, if I were to get drunk, and I were to get arrested, I would want it to be for doing something really interesting. Like spray-painting the Statue of Liberty bright purple, with yellow polka dots. Or perhaps raping the President of the United States. Something like that.

CBreakr@aol.com:
You mean there's a good way to do this?... getting busted by a cop who's even more wasted than you are.

Matt Man65@aol.com:
That would have to be streaking nude through a supermarket screaming "heeeheeehee I'm in the 'meat' section"

The Epochs@aol.com:
Painting your naked body green and preaching about the armaggedon of Q.

FeyPiper@aol.com:
Ummm...
Getting caught in the Washington Hyatt after cleaning out all the mini-bars on the sixth floor, then claiming to be the govenor of American Samoa.
Alternatively;
Being arrested for setting up a six-hole golf course in Grand Central Station- when pedestrians attempt to "play through", pelt them with golf balls and take off on the go-cart.

dhg5@cornell.edu:
As for getting busted, I think the best way would be to be found curled up in front of the police station with twenty empty bottles enclosed in a bear hug, smeared from head to toe with body oils and lipstick with a note attached to you saying, "Dear officer, treat this man with extreme respect. He has the eternal gratitude and awe of the entire Kappa Delta sorority house. Most people could never do cold sober what this man can do drunk."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have a winna!

Honestly people, I don't drink. This was really a way for me to find out your drinking habits so that I could be your designated driver and rob you blind, and then leave you on your parent's/boss's front lawn.